Photo by Lif…

Last week I asked about teaching little ones obedience without fussing. I was getting a little frustrated with my littles (1 1/2 and 3). We’re leaving soon, I’ve a lot to do and anything that they have learned about obedience seems to have flown out the window over the last few weeks. {Though to be fair, everyone was sick, routines were off and we watched a lot of TV}. Anyway, then I read this and knew that the Lord had led me to it to gently rebuke me and encourage me. With permission I share an excerpt but recommend you head over to read it in it’s entirety. It will bless you I am sure!

…God made no mistake in giving me to you. You are the perfect Mom for me. God will always help you take the best care of me. Promise to stay close to Him and ask Him to help you when I am not so easy to like. Please seek His wisdom, and trust in everything He tells you to do. He won’t lead you in the wrong direction. He loves you mom just as much as you love me, even more!

Please don’t get discouraged or give up on me when I disobey 100 times and ask you the same thing over and over again. I’m learning to understand trust, love and patience. Please don’t get discouraged when I forget what you just told me to do. It is not your fault and I really do care about you. Please don’t buy into my eye rolling or yucky faces when you ask me to do something. Simply look past them, write them off as a phase and continue seeking to push through to my heart.

Please don’t take my lack of thanking you for ungratefulness. Teach me to say thank you more. Teach me to write you love notes so that I will always do that for others when I am big just like you.

Please don’t let my testing you push your button so deep that you begin to give up on getting through to me. I need to know you are going to be there forever no matter what. I don’t mean to hurt you – so when I do, teach me to apologize quickly. I want to grow up and make you proud of me for being an honorable, and humble person. I want to bring glory to God in all I do and need you to help me learn humility when I mess up and hurt anyone with my words or actions.

…and when you mess up, simply say, “I’m sorry.” So I will learn to say, “I’m sorry” too.

Read the whole article here at Totally Tots

Oh, how I need more patience and understanding in raising my little ones. Parenting is such a daunting task when looking at the overall picture and trying to do it on your own. How blessed we are to be able to approach it one day at a time with the help of our Lord!

Photo by James Marvin

Motherhood is a Beautiful Calling; trumped only by our calling to be helpmeets. Both of these are facets of our ultimate calling and by excelling and honoring these; we bring Him honor and glory!

I would like to share with you an excerpt from an email I received several days ago; not because she speaks kindly of my site {though thank you!} but because the way she expresses womanhood, wifehood and motherhood is so eloquent.

“I’m another Jennifer and my husband and I are expecting our first.  In this day and age where true womanhood and feminine spirituality are lost, where the vocation of marriage and family not to mention the dignity of the home are so misunderstood, attacked and discarded, and parenthood, especially motherhood (and stay at home moms) are looked as subordinate, I thank you for your blog and for acknowledging and joyfully embracing your calling, not just as a woman, wife, and mother, but as a human person called to holiness by an everyday effort to fulfill His will through even the simplest tasks (or greatest challenges).  I’m looking so forward to staying at home with this baby and our future babies and sharing with them this great adventure, helping them (and they helping me) along this pilgrimage toward heaven.

I must say that running into your blog was the most refreshing antidote after coming from my prenatal class where so many of the moms resent the idea of being ‘just a mom’ and have difficulty seeing the dignity of motherhood, let alone their inherent worth and beauty in just being created women (who don’t have to prove themselves out in the world and no matter what shape or size).  It makes me sad but its a cause for prayer.

Each and every pregnancy is indeed a miracle ;]  I marvel over this child each day and over how God has designed us so magnificently to partake in such a miracle.  What a blessing! “

Jennifer and I {and you too, I hope!}  share this “beautiful vision for marriage and family.” Today I hope you have a little pampering {a card, extra kisses, breakfast, lunch or whatever} but rather than making it all about us as mothers, let’s make it all about Him and his amazing design: motherhood!

Thank you Lord, for your amazing and wonderful design. Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of your work in raising our little {and big!} ones. We praise You for the joys that motherhood brings and for the grace you give us during the times of sorrow that come as well. Help us to embrace our callings more fully and joyfully; to shine in our roles for Your Glory that we may be a testimony to those who do not know you. We love you, Lord!  Amen.

Photo by ilmungo 

Unable to Meet My Commitment

Today is Track & Field for Christian Schools and homeschoolers in the area. It is hosted by my church each year. I am supposed to be helping today; running tot and nursery for the T&F workers little ones. Instead, I am at home with two sick little ones of my own battling guilt, failure and mountains of laundry.

John woke up vomiting on Monday with bad diarrhea the rest of the week. I planned to leave him with mom today and just take Chloe with me. Last night at midnight, Chloe woke up vomiting too.

This morning at 6:45 am, I called Pastor Walsh to tell him, I would not be there. Praise the Lord, he understands and it wasn’t a problem.

My Plans are Contingent

Amy at The Finer Things has been doing a series on Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me and I want to add to the list. I don’t know if anyone has covered this yet but it is something I battle with all the time.

I knew that many things would change when I had little ones but I don’t think I fully understood that {at least for a season} everything I do and every plan I make is contingent upon what my little ones are doing.

And most of the time, I’m OK with that.

I know I can’t just sit down and read a book or write a post whenever I want. I need to plan those kinds of activities for when the little ones are napping or in bed for the night.

When a friend invites me out, I know that I need to either take the little ones with me {taking their schedule into consideration}, or make sure to schedule the outing at a time that DH {or mom} will be available.

And when I make commitments, I have to remember I have little ones and to expect the unexpected; realizing that sometimes, things are beyond my control.

Today, I realized that I couldn’t do track & field, I knew that my family was a priority and I needed to be at home. My husband reminded me that it wouldn’t even be responsible to take sick little ones out and spread it. I knew this and yet I felt that I was a failure; that I can not be counted on, that I was irresponsible, that I let people down.

Knowledge is Power

I’m sure there are many other moms {you maybe?} who feel these same things at times. We know our priority is to our family and yet, when something happens and we have to put that into practice, we feel guilty; buying into the lie that outside obligations are somehow more important than what we are doing.

In this season should we simply not involve ourselves in anything that requires a commitment? I don’t think that is it. I think maybe the key is making sure that, wherever we make the commitment, they know that our family is the priority and that the unexpected sometimes happens.

Sir Frances Bacon said that, “knowledge is power”. So more importantly, I think that we need to truly realize that our commitments are always contingent on what our little ones needs are; knowing that at times we will be unable to fulfill commitments. That is the way God designed it, as marriage and family are the very first {and most important} institutions He created! That knowledge will help us absolve ourselves and not pick up that false guilt when we are occasionally are unable meet that commitment.

How do you handle not meeting commitments?

I am blessed beyond measure; these precious gifts from above. They delight me to no end, and at times are a source of frustration.

They make me laugh, they make me cry. They make me lift up my heart in prayer the way I never have before.

Undeserved, the  Father entrusted me with these tiny souls for Him. They are not mine, but His. {I’m crying}. I hold on to them tightly, knowing that the day will come that I must let go, trusting.

Trusting that He loves them more infinitely, purely and unselfishly than me. Knowing that He is so much more capable of protecting them than I ever could hope to be.  Knowing that even when I think I am in control that I am not!

Whatever season of motherhood you are in is precious, valuable, worthy.

It will soon be  Mother’s Day. I celebrate my two blessings here with great joy. I also celebrate my little one awaiting me in Heaven, for through his conception and death, he taught this mommy so much! I share my story in a miscarriage series. Maybe it will be a help to you, or someone you know.

Mother’s Day can be hard for so many. Those who have lost their mothers, those who long to be mothers, those who are mothers but have no babe in their arms…the list goes on. This Mother’s Day, is there someone we can encourage with a word, a hug, a note, a visit?

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These tiny tot years are filled with fun, teamwork, play, laughter, silliness, learning, sharing {and sometimes not!}. What precious fleeting years these are!

• Linked the Motherhood post at We are THAT Family and the 30 Minute Challenge 

I’m Inadequate

Christian, wife, mother, blogger, happy, optimistic, friendly, thankful…

If asked to describe myself in one word, I might use any of those words because they are all true. But in my heart of hearts, if I needed to choose one word to describe myself it would be inadequate.

As a Christian, I’m inadequate. When I look at the cross and see what He did for me there, when I look around at the many undeserved blessings that fill my life and then I look at myself, my offerings, my feeble works and know that I am inadequate in my Christian life. I am not always faithful in my devotions, I know I fail to seize every opportunity to share the gospel and it goes without saying that sometimes it is not Christ that others see in me.

My feelings of inadequacy extend into my marriage. I am not always the helpmeet I should be to my husband. I can not say that I always put his needs before my own. At times I’m not as respectful as I should be, or as quick to forgive. A times, his priorities are not mine, when they ought to be!

I am blessed to be called mommy but completely inadequate to do the job. Sometimes I’m sharp, my tone impatient. My tongue is not always the law of kindness. Sometimes my choices are wrong and my judgments do not mirror His mercy and grace.

Gideon was inadequate

On Sunday, our Pastor’s message was from Judges 6. His direction was a little different that what I got out of it but that is the way the Holy Spirit works isn’t it? I was reminded that scripture is full of inadequate men and women. It’s not about them {or you or me!} but about God.

• Gideon wasn’t seeking to do great things. He was hiding from the Midianites just trying to survive. (Judges 6:11)
• Gideon came from a poor family and was the least in that family (Judges 6:15)
• He did not exhibit great faith (Judges 6:13)
• But God was with him (Judges 6:16)
• Gideon and his band of 300 went into battle with trumpets, pitchers and lamps. Inadequate tools for battle to be sure! (Judges 7:20)
• They defeated the 135 000 Midianites without doing battle. They simply stood there. (Judges 7:16-25)

The Upside to Inadequacy

It’s not about me or about my capabilities {or lack thereof!}. God has given me the gifts and blessings in my life because of who He is (James 1:17). I didn’t do anything to earn my salvation; it was a gift because I was inadequate! My husband and children are gifts from the Lord, and through His strength can I be what I need to be.

I’m inadequate and that is OK. It’s better than OK; it’s great! Acknowledging my inadequacy means that I am acknowledging my need to rely on Christ and, that apart from Him, I can do nothing! (John 15:5) Depending more on Him each day is what He desires so that He can conform me to His image!

God is looking for those who are inadequate, humble and empty of themselves. He wants to fill them, exalt Himself through them and accomplish great and mighty things for His kingdom through them!

I’m thankful for the bible and for the words of encouragement and direction it contains for me. I’m thankful that I don’t need to be adequate, because HE is!

• This post is linked to Gratituesday and 30 Minute Blog Challenge

Ulterior Epicure

My dear friend, Ann, sent this to me earlier this week. I just loved the simple reminder contained in this sweet story and wanted to share it with you! Sometimes it is hard when we are in the midst of trouble to remember that He is in control; it’s hard to understand the why. All we can do, and all we are required to do is hold on to Him and trust.

Sometimes we wonder, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why did God have to do this to me?” Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, “Absolutely Mom, I love your cake.”

“Here, have some cooking oil,” her Mother offers.
“Yuck” says her daughter.
“How about a couple raw eggs?” “Gross, Mom!”
“Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?”
“Mom, those are all yucky!”

To which the mother replies: “Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! “

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! {Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11}  We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful as He knows they will!

This Post was part of the 30 Minute Challenge at Steady Mom

Lincolnion

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of  response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible… The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this?  Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Pick me up at 5:30.’ I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!?

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

• No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names.
• These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
• They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
• The passion of their building was fuelled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it. And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over.  You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. 

As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

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I received this in my inbox from my mom today. I don’t know who the invisible mom is, but I thank her for sharing her thoughts. I just want to add to the last paragraph, that whether or not the world marvels, if we’re faithful some day we will hear, “Well Done” by the One who matters most because we’re never invisible to HIM!

I bought this spatula (2/$1) at the dollar store years ago when I got my own apartment. I’m now married and it is still kicking around. It’s a great spatula but I am even more enamored with it now.

You see that little missing piece? I was baking in the kitchen one day with baby John at my feet. I handed him a spatula to keep him occupied. When John gave it back, I discovered that he had his first little tooth through. (I had known it was coming, just hadn’t realized that it was through and functional LOL)

Yes, I still use this spatula and it makes me smile every time I pull it out. It reminds me of days gone by and helps me remember to embrace these times for they are my future memories.

Lord, thank you for all the special stages that we’ve been blessed to go through with our littles. Though some are more difficult than others, each leaves us with priceless memories; a gift from You!

• This post links to Gratituesday and the 30 Minute Challenge

Photo by –Tico–

If we are honest, we all do it at some time or another. We see how well someone has done something, how organized they are, how well behaved their children are or how clean their house is and we compare it to our own and find ourselves lacking. Or maybe on the opposite spectrum we see how badly behaved their children are or how messy their house is and we give ourselves a smug little smile, knowing we’ve come out ahead. I am embarrassed to admit it but I’ve played the comparison game from both perspectives. Maybe you have too?

Comparing ourselves to others either brings us low and discourages us unnecessarily or it gives us a false, short-lived ego boost. Neither situation is a good thing. Let me explain.

A true comparison is never possible because we’re all different people, with different families and differing circumstances. In addition to that, we are generally comparing our weaknesses to others strengths or vise-versa.

Falling Short

When we see someone once a week at church and she has it all together, we (I) think back to the hectic time we had getting out the door. We thus conclude that she is much more organized than we are.  Been there! Or maybe we are invited to someone’s home for dinner and when we arrive, we immediately take in their perfect house and compare it to our “lived in” house. Well, everyone has different levels of “clean” depending on the season of life they are in. You also have to bear in mind that, while she may be a fantastic housekeeper and there isn’t anything wrong with that, she also knew you were coming and probably spent a few extra minutes to make sure that everything was ready to welcome her guest. Just remember that we all have weaknesses and they were given to us by God. Imagine that?!? He created each and every one of us and we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). One of the reasons that he created our weaknesses was so we would come to him, depend on him and so that His strength would be made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Cor 12:9).

So you shouldn’t compare yourself to others and wallow in self-pity and discouragement. Don’t compare yourself! And if a comparison unwittingly comes to mind (it happens), take that weakness to the Lord. Pray about it and ask Him to help you overcome it and use it to better you as a person and help you to be more like Him.

Coming Up on Top

Maybe you’re on the flip side. You’re out somewhere and your children are obeying in a way that would make any mother proud. Then you glance over at the mother struggling to maintain control of her little ones. You size up the situation and perhaps you mentally think to yourself, “that mother should…” because of course you are the expert – just look at your well behaved children. (I know I was guilty of this when Chloe was a baby and I hadn’t even reached toddler stage with her. Now that I have, I understand and empathize LOL)  Or when a lady walks by in immodest apparel. Do you do a mental comparison (because of course you’d come out on top!) or have judgmental thoughts? This is one place that I have to admit I am especially guilty of! Or maybe you are a coupon-clipping frugalista (and that can be a really good thing) but when you are talking about your accomplishments with an acquaintance with a  wrong attitude of pride then it’s the same thing: wrong! Proud people are fools (Proverbs 14:3) and bound to fall (Proverbs 16:18). Ouch! Sometimes I am such a fool! Coming out on top is a false, short-lived victory because they are not the ultimate standard and it really doesn’t matter what your life or actions look like compared to theirs! When compared to the ultimate standard, you (and I!) will always come up short. Christ sets the ultimate standard and gives us the perfect pattern for our lives and our families all written down in His Word.

Comparing our actions, attitudes and decisions to the bible is the only comparison we should be making. Except maybe sodium content in soup/dip seasonings (like Limtpons at 870mg vs. Epicure French Onion at 8mg!)

It’s hard not to compare. I suppose you could say that the temptation to compare is a weakness isn’t it? With self-discipline and the help of the Lord, we can overcome it too and we’ll be happier for it!

Source

If you were hoping to read a post about how to get it together, you will be disappointed. This post is more about “getting it” together; an invitation to join me as I (once again!) embark on that journey. Let me explain!

Every so often, I really do feel that I have it all together. I’m sure you do too. You look around and find that your home is mostly in order, your to-do list is relatively small, your days have fallen into a routine, you’ve mostly figured out how to juggle all the responsibly you have. We do that, smiling to ourselves…and then **bang** a new ball is tossed our way. While we may have graduated from the beginners class at juggling school, this new ball throws us off.

I’m sure some of you are nodding right now. You know just what I am talking about! For those of you who are scratching your heads thinking, “she went to juggling school?” I didn’t really. It’s my sad attempt at an analogy.

Anyway, life is running smoothly and then you:

• Change jobs
• Move
• Get married
• Have a baby
• Experience a loss
• Move to a different phase in life
• Or your little (and not so little) ones move to a different phase in life
• You accept new responsibilities
• Your finances change
• and the list goes on…and on…and on..

Suddenly, (back to the juggling analogy) with that new ball thrown at you, you’ve either

1. Caught it no problem and are expertly managing just dandy or
2. You’ve dropped them all and are looking around, bewildered and wondering how to get back into the game or
3. You caught it but you’re precariously throwing the balls with no sense of rhythm and are in danger of dropping them all.

I’m number three. After John was born in the summer of 2008, it took me a while to get back into a routine and adjust to being a mom of two. I did find my groove though. As the little ones grew and I accepted different responsibilities and tasks, my routine changed as well and I embraced it. I’m not sure what happened in the past several weeks but suddenly I find myself with new opportunities, responsibilities and tasks but no routine, no plan and I’m starting to flounder…

Step One – STOP

Stop. Don’t run in circles, or paralyze yourself with defeating thoughts. Just stop. Breathe. Have a nap, go for a walk, eat some chocolate, pray, read your bible or a good book. If you have littles, utilize nap time for yourself or snuggle up with them and read.  When you get too busy, your calendar and to-do list too full, sometimes it is easy to become overwhelmed and defeated. Take a break. I’m not saying a long one but give yourself permission to just stop. Whether it is 10 minutes or a whole afternoon just do something nice.

Step Two – EMPTY YOUR HEAD

Brain Dump. No idea whose idea this was originally but it isn’t mine I’m sure. I think I heard it for the first time listening to the workshop tapes from Graceworks though I think it was called something else. Anyway, write a list of everything that is in your head. Write down your grocery store shopping list, upcoming doctor visits, birthdays, your daily household duties, the tasks your husband asked you to get done this week, the commitments you made for church…absolutely everything! Don’t worry about rhyme or reason. We’ll sort it out later. And keep that list handy and  running. Often as we go about our days, something else will come to mind. Add it to the list too!

Step Three – FILL YOUR HEART

When things get hectic and crazy, often devotions are the first thing on the chopping block because we (me!) don’t have time but the truth is we don’t have time not to! While we (I) will eventually share more of what my schedule will look like and how I will (Lord-willing!) get everything done that I need to, for now we want to empty our heads (step 2) and fill our hearts. The first thing to make sure is that I start my day with quiet time. Now I say start but my day always starts before I have quiet time, I just try not to let it move on too much before I sit, pray and read my bible. I am not one of those who can get up before my family to have my alone time with the Lord. It is something that I always aspired to and felt guilty about not accomplishing because that is what good Christian wives and mothers do isn’t it? Well, that may be what good Christians do but often real mothers just can’t get quiet time first. (Side note: Passionate Housewives Desperate for God is a must-read that talks about this!) Most times my quiet time isn’t as quiet as I would like or as long as I’d hoped or as alone as I’d like. But that is my season. God can (and does!) use every little bit of my time that I commit to him. A bonus? My little ones witness first hand their mommy spending time with the Lord. Some mornings I shower, get Chloe and I dressed and then have some QT but other mornings, depending on John, it may not be until after breakfast. I always most days try to get it in ASAP. As I seek to bring back the elusive order and routine, I will first seek Him!

That’s it for this week folks. Take a little break and make a list. Make the Lord a priority this week. We can do that can’t we? I’d love to hear how and when you have quiet time!

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Do you have a tune-up you are working on or completed? Link up (directly to your post) or share a comment! If you could mention TUT and link back so others can join in too, that would be appreciated!