This fall I was encompassed about by dark clouds. Thank you to those who took the time to comment or email me, sharing encouragement and personal stories. Sharing our stories brings depression out of the dark and into the light. There is no shame in depression, nor is it a bad word! I did promise a follow-up post so here it is.

I don’t know a whole lot about depression. Though there is a wealth of information online, it seems that each person and situation is different. As a result of that uniqueness, there is nothing that can tell you in absolutes what caused your depression or burnout and no magic formula to tell you precisely what steps to take to overcome it nor how long it will last.

I can’t say for certain what sent me on my downhill spiral but I think it had a lot to do with the morning sickness, extreme fatigue and hormones of pregnancy. I don’t know that was the cause exclusively but because it was a large part of it, I think that in time, the dark clouds began to clear of their own accord. I hesitate a bit to share because these things may seem too simplistic, like I am making light of depression but when I made a conscious effort in each of these areas, I saw the difference. You may need more. We’re all different. But these are a good place to start!

That being said, there were a few things that I did that I feel helped me through that period of time.

Pray!

Honestly? I found prayer really hard during this time. I have no idea why. I sent the prayers up and felt like they bounced back down on me. I persisted anyway. I felt like God was far away, though I knew that He was unchanging, ever-present and it was me who was far away. Feelings can’t be trusted, they change.  I felt like He wasn’t listening but knew that, regardless of how I felt, that wasn’t true. Sometimes it felt like it took too much mental energy to pray. But I tried. And He heard. And He answered. Because He loves me and is always faithful!

Saying No to myself, to tasks, to others.

I had no energy. I was exhausted and some days, just getting through the day seemed like a monumental task. I’m one of those people who want to be able to do everything. Yes, I know I can’t be but I still aspire to be Superwoman. I had to be ruthless; saying no to myself and my ideals, no to additional tasks and anything above bare minimum and to decline any outside activities and responsibilities. I was in survival-mode in all aspects of my life.

Sleep, Rest, Sleep!

I was tired. Physically and emotionally. I took in all the sleep I could get whenever I felt like I needed it. I would sleep during the littles naptimes and at night often go to bed at the same time as them. When my husband came home from work, I would ask him to watch the littles and I would go lie down. Often, I couldn’t sleep but would just lie there resting. Sometimes I felt guilty for being lazy, for not accomplishing more. It took a lot of work, but accepting where I was and allowing myself that rest time was very helpful.

Drink Water. Eat Food.

I have sweet tooth and often when I am not feeling well, I turn to junk food and convenience foods. Though satisfying in the moment, neither of those is particularly beneficial. With no energy, preparing even the simplest of things seemed like a whole lot of work. When I start to really focus on eating nutritious foods, making sure that I ate at regular intervals and drank adequate amounts of water, I could really feel the difference.

Get Out!

One day I was feeling particularly awful when a friend called. She wanted me to go skating. The last think I felt like doing was bundling up a 2 year old and a 3 year old, driving to the rink, then getting those little feet into skates and out on to the ice. Did I mention that neither of them can skate? Both do well standing, holding on to something for support and both can walk/slide a bit but neither can really skate yet. Can you say exhausting?!?! But I went, and amazingly enough, though it was exhausting, I enjoyed my morning out. {Then came home for a nap!}

When I couldn’t muster up any energy, I pushed through it and went for a short walk with the littles anyway. Not every day or even every second day but as often as I could, aiming for once a week, we got outside for a bit.

Reach Out!

It’s understandable to be cautious about who you share your inner most self with, but find someone! Your spouse, a friend, neighbor, family member, another Christian, an older Titus 2 women or your pastor’s wife are all great places to start.  You might be surprised at who else around you has been through some sort of battle with depression. Often just the reassurance that you aren’t alone, that you aren’t a “bad Christian” and that there is hope has an amazing effect! Also, the prayers that they will no doubt send up on your behalf will be a great blessing. Your Pastor is another great resource. He can pray with you, and offer you wise counsel. You also may want to consider making an appointment with your doctor for a full check-up. Often there may be something physical that could be causing or at least contributing to the situation.

Some Links:

Some links that I stumbled upon and found encouraging or helpful. I especially liked the panel discussion linked below because Crystal Paine, a blogger I have read  for 5+ years and have grown to admire and respect greatly, talks about her personal struggles as well.

• When you feel ashamed for being so empty @ The Gypsy Mama
• When I read Emerging from the Fog @ (In)courage, I found myself nodding my head, thankful to hear stories like this. Sometimes we are low when we’re physically low.
• My Journey to Burnout @ Keeper of the Home
• Panel Discussion Part 1  and Part 2 @ Keeper of the Home
• Routines to Help the Weary Mom @ Keeper of the Home

Nothing revolutionary. Just a lot of focusing saying no to extras,  nurturing myself and allowing time to help heal me. It sounds selfish and is often hard for us as women, wives and mothers but we have to put ourselves first sometimes.

I’m feeling great. Big from pregnancy, tired from pregnancy but I’m feeling very much “back to normal”. But I’m still saying no to a lot of extras. I don’t have to have a packed schedule or take on every new task offered.

Comments and links are welcome! Do you have a story to share? Did you blog about your experience? Have you read an article or a book that was particularly helpful to you?

• This post links to WFMW

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Jenn is wife to one, mother of three and above all, a humble servant seeking to honor the Lord with her life. Depression Isn’t a Bad Word is a post from Beautiful Calling.

Yesterday

Yesterday morning we baked our monthly cupcake order. I no longer am involved in any entrepreneurial endeavors at this time; I had to let them go for the sake of my time, energy and sanity. But I did keep my monthly cupcake order. I love the extra pocket money this one order brings in and the littles enjoy helping decorate them…and of course the fact that on cupcake day they get to eat one for breakfast. How great is that?!?

Then we dashed out to Hamilton for my midwife appointment.  Weight Gain = Normal – yay! Chloe helped the midwife take my blood pressure by pumping up the cuff. She was very pleased with herself. Blood Pressure = Normal. Measurements = 29 weeks. Eek. I’m only 26 weeks. But I am feeling particularly “bumpy” lately and find myself waddling more, especially at the end of the day. We’ll see how I measure at my next appointment. I’ve been having a tough time sleeping…positioning takes some work. I’ve been eating a whole lot of salmon sandwiches – much to my husband’s horror {the smell is killing him}. And hard boiled eggs and pineapple. And Cadbury chocolate Easter eggs; the kind that the bunny lays. YUM!

The littles and I went to McDonalds for lunch; not my favorite place but it is an exciting treat to them. I had a filet-o-fish which isn’t bad; though I feel it is overpriced for the size of it.

We came home to a special surprise: spring flowers and treats from a dear friend. What a special sunny spot in my day. I’m not a huge flower person. Don’t get me wrong – I love them but I find them expensive, then they die. There was a time {pre-baby days}when I bought myself fresh flowers every week when DH and I went grocery shopping. Alas, becoming a mother has changed me in so many ways and I will tell you, I’d rather spend money on a treat for the littles a or take them to the zoo etc. than I would on flowers. But surprise flowers? That’s a different story all together and I’ve been enjoying them.

Last night was “heart night” at Awana. Chloe was very excited to go. If it weren’t for her, I would have stayed home and went to bed early. It was a long day; for me at least. Alas, I couldn’t rain on her excitement by telling her we weren’t going – so we went. Last week the Cubbies Puppets were sick {and Chloe came home concerned about them so she prayed for them at bedtime}. This week the puppets were feeling better. She came home excited that the puppets had given her a special valentine card.

Today

Today was a good day; a full day. We ate breakfast then went swimming with my sister and her youngest. We watched a little TV. We had lunch. The littles had a nap. We read some stories, I changed a few diapers, wiped a few noses, did a load of laundry. I washed my floor and vacuumed under my couch cushions. DH is making hamburgers and hotdogs for dinner. Then tonight, after the littles are in bed, we’re going to watch a movie and eat fried cheese sticks that I have been craving ever since reading Rae’s blog post! I’m so excited.

Blog related: My awesome DH did some work on my sidebar and gave me some fancy buttons for subscribing. Pretty cool huh? I love my man!

Tomorrow

Since I did my floors today rather than wait until tomorrow, we kind of have a free day. The plan? Some schooltime/playtime/story time, finishing up some ironing and then picking up daddy from work for a trip to Ikea. Tomorrow is 99 cent meatball dinners. I’m not a huge fan but DH and the littles are.

What little things was your day full of?

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Jenn is wife to one, mother of three and above all, a humble servant seeking to honor the Lord with her life. A Life Update in February is a post from Beautiful Calling.

“I don’t know my ABC’s”

I’ve never taught my children their ABC’s. Not the song, not what they are, what they look like. It’s not a priority for me. Yes, Chloe has friends who know them all, can write them and maybe even read them but I am confident that she won’t be hindered at all by me not worrying about them at all at this stage.

Leapfrog Phonics Fridge Magnets

My mother-in-law bought the littles the Leapfrog Phonics Fridge Magnets in both English and French for Chloe’s second Christmas. They drove us crazy on the fridge but after purchasing a magnetic board for the wall in the play area, we found it fine. The littles literally learned the ABC song from playing with that, no interference from us. Apparently Chloe also learned some actual letter recognition as well.

Practicing Letters

Lately she has been asking about letters and words so this week we started practicing tracing some letters. We also dug out our Melissa and Doug See and Spell for the first time. We looked at all the letters and an alphabet chart. Then we spelled the word Orange; the same word we had traced. Then we picked out the letters for her name. This was a huge hit with her. She was so excited to see her name spelled in letters.  Then both her and John enjoyed finding the right letters to spell the word on the picture.

On Sunday, Chloe came home so excited. At church, they each have a hook with their name on it and she noticed that her friend, Claire, starts with C just like she does. Wow, they grasp it fast when they are ready and interested!

A Merry-Go-Round of Sickness

This week John was sick with a fever and rash for a few days, then Chloe had a fever one day and then it was gone. Monday afternoon I started to feel rough, Tuesday I was so sick. I almost called DH to come home from work. Wednesday was a little better. DH stayed home, made me chicken soup (yep, he rocks!) and Aunty Sandy took Chloe for a sleepover. Thursday Chloe came home full of stories and tales of adventure. She also came home with a fever. We only got in one day of school – but what a day it was!

• This post links up to Tot School and Preschool Corner– linkups of ideas for you and your tot!
• Chloe is 47 months, John is 27 months
• Week #8

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Jenn is wife to one, mother of three and above all, a humble servant seeking to honor the Lord with her life. Tot School: An Intro into ABC’s is a post from Beautiful Calling.

(I need to ask DH to take our picture more often!)

I love it! Buy one; it’s worth every penny!

That is the short version. If you have a little more time, please read on! I was giddy with excitement when the Ergo Carrier arrived for review. I tried it on right away and fell in love; John did too. What could be better than snuggling up to mommy right?

My Babywearing Experience

I should tell you, my babywearing experience is a little limited. With my first, I tried a borrowed Snuggli and wrote off babywearing. With my second, I gave babywearing another shot when a friend lent me a Hotsling but John wasn’t crazy about being in it once he started looking around. I then bought a Baby Bjorn Active Carrier (I liked the idea of lumbar support). John was very happy and content in it. Mommy, however, was not. Since he was big from the get-go, even with lumbar support (which wasn’t really that supportive), I found it straining on my shoulders and back if I wore him for long periods and as he got heavier, short periods too.

Why Use a Baby Carrier

I loved the idea of babywearing. I love the bonding aspect and the fact that at times it is so much more convenient that a stroller. I tried using a double stroller (Chloe just turned 18 months when John arrived) but found a single stroller with a carrier more convenient most of the time. Whether you have a clingy baby, a tough-to-soothe baby or just one who is not feeling well and wants to snuggle; if you use a carrier you can generally multi-task; getting something done while soothing and comforting baby. I also found that if I was ‘wearing’ John as opposed to carrying him, I had hands free to hold Chloe’s hand and care for her better. Speaking of hands, carrying baby in a carrier means mommy’s hand is free to hold daddy’s. *bliss*

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About the Ergo Baby Carrier

I didn’t know that babywearing could really be comfortable. With my experience I knew that some carriers were more comfortable than others but I didn’t know that there was a carrier that had zero discomfort associated with it!

The Ergo Baby Carrier is amazing. It is:

• easy to put on. You can do it by yourself without a lot of fuss.
• designed for use with babies newborn to 40lbs. (Though newborn insert if recommended for young babies).
• comfortable to wear regardless of baby’s weight.
• has supportive lumbar support that really works!
• ergonomically  designed to support a correct sitting position for the baby’s hip, pelvis and spine growth*
• designed for a variety of body types. Anyone can wear an Ergo!
• able to transition easily from front carry to back carry and also a hip carry. Different carries because every parent, child and circumstance is different!
• designed in a unique way; baby’s weight is distributed around your hips with super comfortable  padding on the shoulder straps which basically help to stabilize baby rather than have all the weight on them like other carriers.
• comfortable to wear for long periods of time. Really!
• has a sleeping hood to help support their heads if they nod off.
• perfect for discreet nursing.*
• extra safe. One thing that I really liked about it was that all of the clip areas have a sturdy elastic loop that you put the strap through prior to securing. In the event that it accidently comes unclipped, your baby will not just fall off!
• made with attention to detail. The quality and workmanship is awesome.
• something that actually does have resale value when you are finished with it. Because of the quality, this carrier will last and last and last…

Above items with an * are either from their website or what I have heard and not based on personal experience.

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I’m leaning forward funny so that you get a view of Chloe.

My Personal Ergo Baby Carrier Experience

I have used my Ergo carrier for 8 weeks. During that time I don’t think I have used my stroller once (and I actually really do like my stroller!). John is 18 months and 25.5lbs. He’s busy, independent, into everything and loves the Ergo. Chloe just turned 3 and is almost 35lbs. I find the Ergo comfortable to wear with both of them and the both enjoy it. John is actually a sad little boy when I wear Chloe LOL. If I had two I could wear them both; one of front and one on the back!

Sick or Fussy: John had a period where he wasn’t feeling well and also had his eye teeth coming through. I was so thankful for the Ergo carrier. I pop him onto my back with his blankie. He is content there for as long I let him ride. I can get the house cleaned, dishes done, dinner made or I can sit and read with Chloe (3 yrs) and he is content.

Walks: I mentioned that I love my stroller (both of them), and prior to the Ergo Baby Carrier, I would put John in the stroller and off we’d go with Chloe marching along beside. Since having the Ergo Carrier, John is thrilled with it, I’m probably burning more calories (yay!) and Chloe is enjoying that mommy has a bit more freedom to venture off the trail or just hold her hand!

Shopping: Our local Sobey’s has “little carts” for shoppers in training. I love being able to put John on my back and let Chloe push our little cart, picking up the things we need and putting them in. It also keeps his little hands from grabbing things on the shelves or touching things he shouldn’t

Church: This may seem like a funny place to wear a baby but I do. My church has a nursery however my husband’s church doesn’t. John sits much happier when he is in a carrier than just on my lap. If I just hold him, we can’t make it through service but in a front carry? He snuggles up and sits quietly (mostly LOL).

I can not tell you how many times I have used this carrier in the past 8 weeks. I usually use it as a backpack but I love the flexibility and versatility of it. It is light weight and because it doesn’t have any hard frames or anything, it folds up and packs well. We are heading to France, England and Africa in May. I can only imagine how thankful I will be to have an Ergo. When we return in June you can bet I will be posting pictures of our Ergo and share how it worked for us while travelling.

Cost

In our dual income/no children days, the cost wouldn’t make me bat an eye. Due to the economy and the fact that I am now a stay-at-home mommy, our financial situation has changed dramatically and I weigh our purchases (down to the penny!) carefully. Though I received this Ergo for review at no cost to me, I truly believe that the Ergo Carrier is worth every penny. It is a worthwhile purchase that will carry you through all stages and durable enough to last multiple children.  It’s versatile, comfortable and will work beautifully long-term (up to 40lbs!). Had I known about and tried the Ergo first, I wouldn’t have bought any other carrier (especially not a Bjorn!) and I may not have even purchased a stroller. Not having a stroller sounds almost crazy in society today but honestly, this carrier really is that comfortable. If cost is a factor for your family, you could always try to find one used. I became a Ergo Baby fan on facebook and found out that Ergo offers gently used Ergo Carriers for sale at great discounts (888-416-4888). It isn’t on their website though. You have to call their office to inquire or order. They also have an auction section. Whether you buy new, used or borrow one from a friend, I think an Ergo Baby carrier is a baby essential!

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Thank you Ergo Baby for the privilege of reviewing one of your amazing carriers!

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Jenn is wife to one, mother of three and above all, a humble servant seeking to honor the Lord with her life. Ergo Baby Carrier Review is a post from Beautiful Calling.