I Need A Break

Posted by Jennifer on December 17, 2010 – 7:55 pm

image               Photo by Mollypop

Do you ever wish you could just pack up and go away? By yourself? Or just step into someone else’s life?

Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down around you, though you know that if you looked at it from the outside in, it isn’t as bad as you think?

Today I received a phone call that left me disappointed and then an email that left me sad. My great uncle had passed away. I haven’t seen him in years and honestly? I have more not-so-great memories of him that great ones but he sort of seemed like a tie to Grandpa still; so hearing of his death today was hard.

Anyway, during naptime, feeling particularly down, I chose to write a post about honoring obligations; a post that was far too hasty in coming and perhaps should not have been written at all since it caused someone the feelings I was feeling.

#2 It’s important to always honor my own obligations to the best of my ability so as to not be responsible for someone else feeling the way I feel right now; cheated, let down, betrayed.

I’ve sent an apology email; though an apology seems lacking in email format. I’m not sure how you express sincerity in written word.

I have a few posts already scheduled to come up over the course of the month, I hope you enjoy them. I’m going to take a break.

Someone pointed out how well I am doing but the thing is, a blog is but a snippet of someone’s life; the part they choose to share. The truth is, battling the morning sickness, extreme fatigue and something unknown, I’m on overload. I can’t do it, I can’t do it at all. I’m overwhelmed. I’m failing in so many ways.

My mother has been incredible; a lifeline. She’s been a source of physical help and been there for me emotionally. She was the first person I breathed the words, “depression” to. I wrote a post about it this fall, but never published it. Fear, I suppose. I scheduled it for Monday.

Anyway, this post is written on the tail end of a long and emotional day. Maybe this post too, wasn’t meant to be written.

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7 Responds so far- Add one»

  1. 1. Mimi Said:

    I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this. My guess is the baby hormones. You have so much going on. I’m saddened that you have so much on your plate emotionally. I hope you are able to come back fresh and renewed. I’ll be praying for you.

  2. 2. another mom Said:

    Be of good cheer as this too will pass.
    Having down days are all part of being human &
    erring is part of that too.
    It is the next part that is most important.
    Getting back up, learning, Praising God for the ability &
    blessing to DO all we do & helping someone else who may be
    struggling with these exact things….but not telling anyone else about them. It is a hard time of year as the demands are great while the emotions are running high.
    It WILL improve & these days will be but a memory.
    But taking breaks IS important also as none of us can give 100% all the time without feeling it.
    You ARE doing a good job in all & I DO appreciate your honesty in sharing your life. Please give yourself a gift in this busy time & REST & RELAX & do not be so hard on yourself!
    Do your best & let God do the rest ;-@
    That is not an easy thing to do but it is TRUE!!!!
    NO PARENT is super human!
    Merry Christmas to all the mommies;-)

  3. 3. hippie4ever Said:

    Hang in there Jenn. I’ll be praying for you :)

  4. 4. Aleetha Said:

    I’m so sorry for you lost

  5. 5. Lauralee Hensley Said:

    I’m sorry for the loss and rekindled feelings you are having.
    You take the time you need for you, so you don’t get lost in all the obligations. Come back when you’re ready and share only what you feel comfortable with sharing.
    I’ll say a prayer for you.
    God Bless.

  6. 6. Chelsey Said:

    So on the positive side I guess that the person honoured their commitment after all? That’s a good thing, right? I hope she was gracious enough to accept your apology. Remember — everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone is willing to apologize.

    It’s funny how your link to “something unknown” comes up with nothing… I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed. I hope you’re feeling more like yourself soon.

  7. 7. Mary @ A Simple Twist of Faith Said:

    I am sorry for your loss. Come back then you feel you can, we all need breaks.

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