Comments on: Question: Obedience without Fussing?

By: The Letter I Needed to Read

The Letter I Needed to Read — Fri, 14 May 2010 10:03:30 +0000

[...] week I asked about teaching little ones obedience without fussing. I was getting a little frustrated with my littles (1 1/2 and 3). We’re leaving soon, I’ve a [...]

By: 'Becca

'Becca — Thu, 06 May 2010 20:00:16 +0000

I'm a developmental psychologist and mother of a 5-year-old. While first-time obedience is an excellent goal, it's something you're unlikely to see for a while. That doesn't mean it's too early to be teaching your kids; it means that they'll take a while to learn it as their understanding matures. I agree with Beth about praising obedience when you do see it. Also, think about the reason your kids should obey you not as "authority" (a very abstract concept) but as, "I am their guide to what we do in this world. I'm an experienced person who has good reasons and can be trusted to tell them the right things to do." Lead by example rather than command whenever you can. Talk about "what WE do" rather than what you want them to do for you. I have a few articles about techniques that might be useful to you: Counting to Three Second Chance

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Thu, 06 May 2010 01:51:28 +0000

Thanks so much ladies. Being a mommy is incredibly rewarding but also challenging isn’t it?

By: Beth@Not a Bow in Sight

Beth@Not a Bow in Sight — Wed, 05 May 2010 21:09:26 +0000

I think that they have bad days and good days…just like us. When they obey correctly (without whining/complaining) make a HUGE deal about it. Tell them how proud you are of them that they obeyed cheerfully. Positive enforcement goes a long way. I don’t think it’s a heart issue yet at 20 months or even 3 years old (not that it should be tolerated). Take away privileges/treats if they don’t obey correctly. Make them repeat themselves “with a smile.” You are a great mommy and your kids are blessed to have you. Happy Mother’s Day!

By: Larissa

Larissa — Wed, 05 May 2010 18:26:49 +0000

I have a 3 yo daughter as well. I don’t have a cut and dried answer, but we have the same issue. I am working to make her aware of her tone and expression, and will tell her that she would have been given a choice or would have received what she wanted except that she chose a disrespectful voice or a rude face. We instruct her to repeat herself without fussing, or in a nice or respectful voice before answering her. Or, if we give her an instruction and she doesn’t want to obey and asks (as only a whiny 3 year old can) “BUT WHY?”, I answer that she is not allowed to ask questions until she obeys. I am working for first-time obedience as well, while allowing for 3 year old emotional control (or lack!) and level of understanding. I figure that if I want her to understand the difference between whining and the appropriate way to respond to us, I have to figure out how to make her aware of the difference and teach her which is correct. It’s still discipline, but focused on teaching instead of punishment. It helps me not be too reactive.

There’s always the teacher’s approach, too. Affirm the right action, but point out the bad attitude. EX ” I’m glad that you minded and cleaned up your toys, but I did not like your fussy voice while you did it.” We also talk about whether her behavior (tone, words, actions, etc.) was a good choice or not, and if it wasn’t, what WOULD have been a good choice.

By: Kaye

Kaye — Wed, 05 May 2010 13:54:10 +0000

While perusing through WFMW posts, I swa this and thought I would refer you: http://todayshousewife.blogspot.com/2010/05/less-whining.html

Hope you find something that works! =)